Suck me dry

I am sure we all remember this. Remember in your tax form, the part where it said ...
- List total income (if none, give details) if you were born after 1 January 1897, and are not a widow(er), include excess casualty losses and provide carryover figures for depreciation on line 27ii. You must list number of chickens slaughtered for export in your home state. Subtract, but do not deduct, net gross dividends from pro rata interests payments, multiply by the total number of steps in your home and enter whole number on line 356d, failure to do so, will result in 11,000,000 € fine and a nuclear attack on a small country.
I don’t know about you, but I gave the wrong answer to this and got a letter today from Hacienda (Spanish IRS) telling me that I owe the government a big deal of money.
Unfortunately this is true. The letter specifies that on line 34b00 I granted myself some electrical item I could not afford and now they are asking (No, demanding) me for 2000€. Can you believe this shit?
The Government is giving my money away to the same bank that denies me a loan. Trillions are spent on things that will kill me and/or others. Big business is laughing all the way to the bank getting away with all the facilities on earth to save money. all the meantime I stand looking at this legal note, telling me that unless I pay, some hard shit is coming my way.
I have always thought taxes are a legal theft. It is so confusing to pay taxes on everything you buy, everything you eat, smoke, drink, use etc. Have a 16% of your income taken away every month and then have to pay extra cash every year.
I would understand if someone who brought home 300,000 € would be asked a small percentage of his salary, but I fail to see how that small percentage is taken away equally to all, regardless of what you make.
Anyways, I am so pissed off I fail to make my point. One thing I tell you, I am armed to the teeth and have a ferocious dog to cover me up. Come and get me fuckers.

(Inspired by Bill Bryson, but still very true)

Lifting power

These days I am worried about what I eat. A few days ago I ate a kebab that made me wonder about the limits of the universe, and my intestines. This Kebab transformed my perception of competitive sports proving myself that you are only one Kebab away from breaking the hundred-yard dash record. Would that count as doping?
Anyways, in so many hours of sitting down, it came to mind that I should watch my diet a little more. I remember when I was a teenager and ate nothing but garbage and felt and looked fantastically fine. Today I get fatter by mere looking at food commercials. My body figure is looking more and more like a pear than a T. Most importantly I am starting to feel that my body needs somewhat better and healthier nourishment.
But it is not easy to do this. Today we are told that the ideal intake consists of 5 pieces of fruit and vegetables and 8 glasses of water a day. Danone reassures me that I should take its wheat yogurt to defecate better. I say if you want to defecate better have a Kebab and you will be defecating your mothers´ milk. But anyway, it is not easy to know what you should eat when all the advices are somehow linked to big corporations. Nestle makes a fruit juice that promises the equivalent of all the needed daily fruit and vegetable. Perrier offers a long life if you drink only its´ bottled water. Kraft makes a cheese with Caseis Inmunita that will make your intestines work better, McDonalds promises that their beef is 100 percent beef. Which of course it is all bullshit, especially McDonalds Burgers. Literally.
Then you ask yourself if this Olympic style diarrhea you are suffering may only be a natural way of your body to get rid of all the garbage you feed it. Or it is really a symptom of something wrong? Could it be that humans are not so different than common non-rational animals and posses a digestive system smart enough to filter what we need and discard what we don’t? Are we to fall into the sensory overload big corporations bombard us with and follow their advice, while in turn making them richer? Am I to deprive my body of the sufficient Humph to help him release the toxins? I know one thing for sure, I am getting rid of a lifetime to toxins and got sufficient humph to stop a horse. Now if you excuse me I have to go sit down for while.

Looks

I had a haircut this morning. And I have a confession to make. I love stranger hands mingling through my scalp and attacking it with sharp implements. The reason is becasue every male in my family line is or was as bald as bowling ball and me, at 40, still have a full set of shinny hair. Thus it´s a pleasure to sit on the hairstylist chair and get your scalp massaged and shampooed knowing that all your ancestors will be looking up on you while they wash their heads with wet towels and shoe polish.
Today I choose the tennis ball look, very short and spiky. Well, its not that I chose it, but the lady got a little exited with the scissors and kept trimming until my ears popped out like chrysanthemus. What the hell, it´ll grow back.
Grooming is a wonderful experience. It is a time for many a good things. First of all it is the time to check that everything is in place and functioning, second it is a time to improve the little imperfections by either cutting, hydrating, combing, waxing, axing and cremating etc.
A couple of years ago I wrote an essay on grooming and the conclusion was that humans should go back to the times when men showered one a year, wether they needed it or not and women grew wild cattle in their armpits. Because today the grooming thing has gone too far. Mr.Pierce Brosman and Mr. Clooney are making us, middle aged men, look like tukankamon, only less hydrated, and it is not fair to have such high standards. These men have personal image proffessionals looking after them day and night, while we can only undestand how bad we look when you see people leaving you lots of space in the metro. It is not fair.

No matter how many shampoos, creams, oils and powders we use no one will ever stop to stare on the streets, they might get away from you, but rarely give you the sexy look we expect. I´ll tell you what the ultimate sexy thing is -a full wallet.

Boring

I learned a new word today. Paspartou. Yes, I also thought this was Philleas Fog sidekick but it turn out it means something. I took a pic of mine to have it framed and the guy asked me if I wanted paspartou? It turns out to be the lining between the picture and the frame. What do you know? I felt so cool I haven´t stopped saying it all day.

-Hey look at that Sears publicity…well chosen paspartou.
-I loved the Mona Lisa in the Louvre but I would add a 5 cm paspartou to give it more presence.

All day I have been going over and over this word. Paspartou.
I haven´t much knack for the arts, though. Musically, although a musician myself, when it comes to dancing people think I am looking for my keys and you should try to see me at a museum. A few weeks back I visited the Museo del Prado in Madrid. Had I known then what a Paspartou was I could have entertained myself a little better. The fact being that you can only see so many figures of the virgin Mary holding Jesus. Movies? Hell I don´t know a thing about movies other than Clint Eastwood is looking increasingly like an Easter Island Statue and that DeNiro and Pacino have become two asslickers looking for a quick buck. The rest is Chinese to me. But chinese characters would look great with a 10cm malve Paspartou.

Lineage

Those of you with kids know about this. You’re sleeping tight, maybe dreaming about living in an island with white sand and lots of palm trees, when your bladder makes the call. You open your eyes and get up, walking like a guy on death row toward the toilet, and then a signal comes to your brain, a loud signal from your feet. You have just stepped on a toy train. Ja ja, what a laugh. This is probably the most pain you will ever suffer. There you are jumping like a maniac holding your feet up and thinking that if you got hold of enough sulphuric acid maybe the cops wont discover the body before you reach west Mongolia.
My sister is visiting me. She brought her 18 months tornado with her and nothing will ever be the same again for my dog and I. This morning after my morning shower (yes I do, every morning) I headed for the kitchen to get my daily dose of caffeine. While waiting for the dark juice to start pouring I saw a muffin on the counter. Being this my home, and being that I paid for the muffin the night before, I took it and ate it. At this point, those of you with kids are shouting…No….don’t eat it!! Well I did. It had a twist of bitter taste, which I associated with the blueberries but were better associated with dog slobber. A few moments later my sister came and saw the muffin gone. She hasn’t stopped laughing ever since.
Before I left home to work, I saw the kid holding my toothbrush near the toilet seat.
Mental note to self; get a new toothbrush pronto.
And I ask you, is it really necessary to have kids? Couldn’t we just order them through eBay with a guarantee? Couldn’t we just send them somewhere, say to, central Australia, for the first ten years? Does anyone know how to spell Vasectomy?

Much ado about everything

The world sure has changed. Let me ask you something. When was the last time you recieved a letter? I mean a written letter. A note that someone far away took the time and sat down with pen and paper and wrote in long hand whatever he or she wanted to tell you? Let me see show of hands......I thought so.
I see people spending more time with their friends online or on the phone than personally. I actually have 57 friends in facebook, most of them I have no idea who they are and if we ever meet personally we will sadly discover that we have very little in common.
And talking about quantity, my Ipod has 27.000 songs. 27,000, and I end up always listening to the same 100. It is useless, completely redundant. Why do I need 27,000 songs if I will never ever listen to all of them? Actually many of those 27,000 I don´t know at all, but I like to have them making the bulk of my collection.
Talking about bulks, this crisis (?) is taking its toll. How long will it take for us to understand that it is all a mde up scheme for the rich to make more money and that they are simply playing with us. Obama is pissed off. The reason is that in spite of all the fall outs and breakdowns, CEO´s and top executives made a record profit. This after the governemt had given tons of cash for them to resettle the world economy (which they haven´t done yet). For instance the Lehman Brothers Attorneys are making a mere 17.000 an hour. AN HOUR. Plus a stock award of 37 million. If you add this up...let me see...carry the five....hypotenus and quadrant..hmmmm, this is equal to shit load of money. Obviously my carrer advisor fucked up when recomending I study phsycology, but I am not bitter. I am worried. I am worried that if the rich decide to get me under their program, meaning, I will be searching for a refrigerator carton to call home. My friends in facebook will not give a shit about me.
Talking about giving a shit, the spanish governemt has just released a normative that will give those with mortgages and loans a big aid to support their payments. This is bullshit three fold. One - because anyone dumb enough with 1000€ salary who bought a 400,000€ apartment should be bitch slapped for the whole mortage period, twice a day at least. Two - I find it insulting that this imbecil should be supported with my tax money and last but not least, what about me? Yes me, a 40 year old with all my debts paid, no loans and living in reality with my salary. What about me? Will they help me? will they give me economical support? Hell no!! I do not exist in the economic world. Thus, when I hear of people loosing their homes I laugh like a mad man. Good for you dumbass. What made you believe you could afford a home worth 500 times what you make in a year?
I´ll be kind and let you share my carton under the bridge. Its free.

No longer in the news but still there.

I know that lately I have been copy pasting a lot of articles, it is not lazyness or lak of things to say. The point being that I´d rather (in some issues) seek for someone who can better express my feelings and give him all the credit he deserves-In this case I chose and article by Eduardo Galeano, an Uruguayan journalist and historian who wrote probably the most important book on the Latin American economy, -Las venas abiertas de Latino America - a deep investigation on North American exploits on the continet.
Now Galeano writes on Israel and exposes the tyranny of such state throughout its history. For example;- Did you know that South Africas Apartheid survived because of the unconditional suport of the USA and Israel? Did you knwo that Pinochet, Videla and Stroessner were finacially and politcally adviced by Israel? Did you knwo that Pinochets top pilots and high commands were trained by Israel? I´d like to hear Israel supporters explain this to me and the thousands killed, tortured and exiled in Latin America.
In any case, Galeano can explain the situation a little better. ______________________________________________________


Gaza visto por Eduardo Galeano

Para justificarse, el terrorismo de Estado fabrica
terroristas: siembra odio y cosecha coartadas. Todo indica
que esta carnicería de Gaza, que según sus autores quiere
acabar con los terroristas, logrará multiplicarlos.- -
-Desde 1948, los palestinos viven condenados a humillación
perpetua. No pueden ni respirar sin permiso. Han perdido su
patria, sus tierras, su agua, su libertad, su todo. Ni
siquiera tienen derecho a elegir sus gobernantes. Cuando
votan a quien no deben votar, son castigados. Gaza está
siendo castigada. Se convirtió en una ratonera sin salida,
desde que Hamas ganó limpiamente las elecciones en el año
2006. Algo parecido había ocurrido en 1932, cuando el
Partido Comunista triunfó en las elecciones de El Salvador.
Bañados en sangre, los salvadoreños expiaron su mala
conducta y desde entonces vivieron sometidos a dictaduras
militares. La democracia es un lujo que no todos merecen.- -
-Son hijos de la impotencia los cohetes caseros que los
militantes de Hamas, acorralados en Gaza, disparan con
chambona puntería sobre las tierras que habían sido
palestinas y que la ocupación israelita usurpó. Y la
desesperación, a la orilla de la locura suicida, es la
madre de las bravatas que niegan el derecho a la existencia
de Israel, gritos sin ninguna eficacia, mientras la muy
eficaz guerra de exterminio está negando, desde hace años,
el derecho a la existencia de Palestina.Ya poca Palestina
queda. Paso a paso, Israel la está borrando del mapa.- -
-Los colonos invaden, y tras ellos los soldados van
corrigiendo la frontera. Las balas sacralizan el despojo, en
legítima defensa.No hay guerra agresiva que no diga ser
guerra defensiva. Hitler invadió Polonia para evitar que
Polonia invadiera Alemania. Bush invadió Irak para evitar
que Irak invadiera el mundo. En cada una de sus guerras
defensivas, Israel se ha tragado otro pedazo de Palestina, y
los almuerzos siguen. La devoración se justifica por los
títulos de propiedad que la Biblia otorgó, por los dos mil
años de persecución que el pueblo judío sufrió, y por el
pánico que generan los palestinos al acecho.- - -Israel es
el país que jamás cumple las recomendaciones ni las
resoluciones de las Naciones Unidas, el que nunca acata las
sentencias de los tribunales internacionales, el que se
burla de las leyes internacionales, y es también el único
país que ha legalizado la tortura de prisioneros.¿Quién
le regaló el derecho de negar todos los derechos? ¿De
dónde viene la impunidad con que Israel está ejecutando la
matanza de Gaza? El gobierno español no hubiera podido
bombardear impunemente al País Vasco para acabar con ETA,
ni el gobierno británico hubiera podido arrasar Irlanda
para liquidar a IRA. ¿Acaso la tragedia del Holocausto
implica una póliza de eterna impunidad? ¿O esa luz verde
proviene de la potencia mandamás que tiene en Israel al
más incondicional de sus vasallos?- - -El ejército
israelí, el más moderno y sofisticado del mundo, sabe a
quién mata. No mata por error. Mata por horror. Las
víctimas civiles se llaman daños colaterales, según el
diccionario de otras guerras imperiales. En Gaza, de cada
diez daños colaterales, tres son niños. Y suman miles los
mutilados, víctimas de la tecnología del descuartizamiento
humano, que la industria militar está ensayando
exitosamente en esta operación de limpieza étnica.Y como
siempre, siempre lo mismo: en Gaza, cien a uno. Por cada
cien palestinos muertos, un israelí.Gente peligrosa,
advierte el otro bombardeo, a cargo de los medios masivos de
manipulación, que nos invitan a creer que una vida israelí
vale tanto como cien vidas palestinas. Y esos medios
también nos invitan a creer que son humanitarias las
doscientas bombas atómicas de Israel, y que una potencia
nuclear llamada Irán fue la que aniquiló Hiroshima y
Nagasaki..- - -La llamada comunidad internacional,
¿existe?¿Es algo más que un club de mercaderes, banqueros
y guerreros? ¿Es algo más que el nombre artístico que los
Estados Unidos se ponen cuando hacen teatro?Ante la tragedia
de Gaza, la hipocresía mundial se luce una vez más. Como
siempre, la indiferencia, los discursos vacíos, las
declaraciones huecas, las declamaciones altisonantes, las
posturas ambiguas, rinden tributo a la sagrada
impunidad.Ante la tragedia de Gaza, los países árabes se
lavan las manos. Como siempre. Y como siempre, los países
europeos se frotan las manos.La vieja Europa, tan capaz de
belleza y de perversidad, derrama alguna que otra lágrima
mientras secretamente celebra esta jugada maestra. Porque la
cacería de judíos fue siempre una costumbre europea, pero
desde hace medio siglo esa deuda histórica está siendo
cobrada a los palestinos, que también son semitas y que
nunca fueron, ni son, antisemitas. Ellos están pagando, en
sangre contante y sonante, una cuenta ajena.

(Este artículoestá dedicado a mis amigos judíos asesinados por las dictaduras latinoamericanas que Israel asesoró.)