Perversions
A few months ago I wrote about some of the things you should never do. To remind my avid readers, here they are:
-Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco
-Never squat with your spurs on
-And, there are only two ways to discuss with a woman. Neither of them work.
However I should add one more.
-Never cook fried food naked. I may have used this analogy a few months back, however now I can talk about personal experience and trust me, always wear an apron.
This must a macho thing. To think that the line between being tough and stupid is pretty wide, when indeed it is extremely thin and most of the time it blends into one sole action making you a moronic imbecile but acting as if nothing happened trying to smile.
Say you lose an arm trying to pet the great white shark that came to your boat to see what all that fuss was about. As you stand there watching your extremity jumping about like a lizards torn tail, you look around and see a group of startling faces looking at you and all you can think of is how to fit the arm into the beer cooler and carry on courting the big-titty girl in the boat.
We hardly go to the hospital. Unless something extremely serious (decapitation) happens we would never get caught sitting in doctors lounge. We can solve everything with a Vick Vapor Rub and good rest. -¨Ahh, its nothing¨ - are your last words before getting a massive heart attack. A few weeks later you walk around with your arm hanging limp and the left side of your face with as much expression as a cucumber and still order a double bacon burger with extra cheese (diet Coke).
In my case, I am very reluctant to visit the doctor because at my age doctors like to stick things in awkward places. I don’t know what it is, but one day you are getting your blood pressure taken and sent home healthy as rock, and the next day your pants are at your knees and you are looking at the wall trying to think about beautiful things and relaxing your sphincters as you hear the sound of stretched rubber and the smell of extra slippery Vaseline.
Then again, we (men) are one track minded to the extreme of never loosing sight of a booty or breast ( this is how fast we can change subject too). We may act serious and mature, but take us for a walk around a topless beach and if you pay attention you can actually hear our brain cells popping. We may be in Iran and work our way to some kind of intimacy with the waiter to find out if there is a Wet Burka nightclub somewhere. That’s how basic we can be.
In conclusion, don’t take us too seriously and leave space in the cooler for the fallen pieces.
-Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco
-Never squat with your spurs on
-And, there are only two ways to discuss with a woman. Neither of them work.
However I should add one more.
-Never cook fried food naked. I may have used this analogy a few months back, however now I can talk about personal experience and trust me, always wear an apron.
This must a macho thing. To think that the line between being tough and stupid is pretty wide, when indeed it is extremely thin and most of the time it blends into one sole action making you a moronic imbecile but acting as if nothing happened trying to smile.
Say you lose an arm trying to pet the great white shark that came to your boat to see what all that fuss was about. As you stand there watching your extremity jumping about like a lizards torn tail, you look around and see a group of startling faces looking at you and all you can think of is how to fit the arm into the beer cooler and carry on courting the big-titty girl in the boat.
We hardly go to the hospital. Unless something extremely serious (decapitation) happens we would never get caught sitting in doctors lounge. We can solve everything with a Vick Vapor Rub and good rest. -¨Ahh, its nothing¨ - are your last words before getting a massive heart attack. A few weeks later you walk around with your arm hanging limp and the left side of your face with as much expression as a cucumber and still order a double bacon burger with extra cheese (diet Coke).
In my case, I am very reluctant to visit the doctor because at my age doctors like to stick things in awkward places. I don’t know what it is, but one day you are getting your blood pressure taken and sent home healthy as rock, and the next day your pants are at your knees and you are looking at the wall trying to think about beautiful things and relaxing your sphincters as you hear the sound of stretched rubber and the smell of extra slippery Vaseline.
Then again, we (men) are one track minded to the extreme of never loosing sight of a booty or breast ( this is how fast we can change subject too). We may act serious and mature, but take us for a walk around a topless beach and if you pay attention you can actually hear our brain cells popping. We may be in Iran and work our way to some kind of intimacy with the waiter to find out if there is a Wet Burka nightclub somewhere. That’s how basic we can be.
In conclusion, don’t take us too seriously and leave space in the cooler for the fallen pieces.
Lable:
personal
Posts
1 comments:
Sad but true!
Post a Comment